Common Couples Therapy Approaches & What They Mean
In the search for a couples therapist, there are so many factors to consider. Virtual or in-person? Insurance or out-of-network? Someone with our shared lived experience or with a special focus in a certain area? Someone with immediate availability who also fits our schedule? Finding a therapist is not an easy feat.
In the search process, you might also notice the therapists identify with certain “treatment approaches”. These are the overarching frameworks that guide how a therapist sees the problem and how they see the work toward the solution. Not every therapist works the same way or views things through the same lens.
It can be easy to get caught up in all of the different approaches. You may have heard of some but others might be new to you. Here are a few of the most common couples therapy approaches you’ll come across and a little about what they mean.
The Gottman Method - This approach is based off of the research done by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. It emphasizes rebuilding friendship, increasing positive interactions, and gaining tools to navigate conflict. Some therapists draw from aspects of the Gottmans’ work and recommend their many books to clients. Some therapists are specifically trained in this approach, which is designated by name and level (“Gottman Level I Therapist”.)
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) - The goal of ACT in couples therapy is to increase each person’s psychological flexibility so together they can navigate any challenge that comes their way. This is done by helping couples tolerate unpleasant emotions in themselves and their partner, recognizing and letting go of their unhelpful narratives, and making choices that are aligned in their shared values.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) - CBT starts by focusing on identifying and restructuring thoughts and beliefs each partner holds about themselves, their partner, relationships, and the world in general. Then couples learn tools and skills to change their behaviors around communication, problem solving, and conflict resolution.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) - EFT helps couples work to identify negative cycles of interaction and gain a deeper understanding of the underlying emotions driving them. Once these patterns are identified, the couple learns how to interact differently to break them. EFT is rooted in attachment theory, meaning the therapist will explore a couple’s early childhood experience and guide them toward creating more secure bonds with their partner.
Imago Therapy - The goal of Imago is for couples to find deeper empathy and understanding with each other through conflict resolution and tracing parallels back to childhood experiences. It is most widely known for its communication technique, “The Imago Dialogue”. Some therapists draw from Imago techniques, some may have taken the certification training (“Certified Imago Relationship Therapist”).
Every therapist is different and has their own treatment approach–or sometimes uses a mix of a few! Finding the “right fit” is kind of like dating, and you might not find the best clinician for you on the first try.
Regardless of what approach your couples therapist uses, research shows us over and over again that the most important aspect of success in therapy is the relationship between the therapist and clients. You should feel like your therapist is trustworthy, non-judgemental, and safe. And remember–you can always ask your therapist to share more about their philosophy and approach.
